As your daughter approaches puberty, you may be wondering how best to have those first talks about the changes ahead. The preteen years usher in an exciting yet challenging transition, both physically and emotionally. Having open and honest conversations can help ease any anxieties your daughter may feel and ensure she knows her body and feelings are normal. As her parent or foster carer, she will look to you for information and support. Here are some tips for having meaningful discussions about puberty:
Create an Open and Judgement-Free Environment
Pick a relaxed time when you can give your full attention to your daughter. Avoid lecturing her or overwhelming her with too much information all at once. Let her know that you are available and open to answering any questions she may have, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable the topic may seem. Do not judge her questions or reactions during your discussion. Listen openly without getting defensive. Assure her that the physical and emotional changes happening are normal parts of growing up that all girls go through as they mature into young women.
Cover the Basics of Physical Changes
Explain to your daughter that puberty is the process of her body transforming from a child into an adult capable of reproduction. This happens to every girl as part of growing up. Describe how her height, weight, body shape and proportions will change. Her breasts will start to develop, and she will get her first period. Discuss how diet, exercise and sleep habits can help support healthy development during puberty. Also, talk about how hair will begin growing under her arms, on her legs and in her pubic region – explain that this is natural and she can remove the hair if she wants to.
For a child you are fostering with Fosterplus, be extra sensitive when discussing body changes, as she may have past trauma or difficult experiences that make puberty discussions more complex. Reassure her that you are a safe and trustworthy adult she can confide in.
Introduce Menstruation and Proper Hygiene
Use diagrams or books to explain to your daughter what a period is and how it relates to the menstrual cycle. Make sure she understands that having a period is not something dirty or shameful. Talk about the use of pads, tampons, menstrual cups and liners for managing her flow. Have your daughter pick out some menstrual products that she is comfortable trying when the time comes. Share tips for dealing with premenstrual symptoms like cramps, bloating and mood swings – consider keeping over-the-counter relief medication on hand. Encourage her to bathe regularly, especially during her period, and explain the importance of keeping the vaginal area clean.
Discuss the Emotional Changes Ahead
Explain that mood swings are common during puberty as hormone levels rise and fall. Your daughter may feel more sensitive, irritable or emotional at times. Listen to her feelings without judgment and validate that what she is feeling is real, even if it seems irrational to you. Discuss healthy coping strategies like writing in a journal, exercising, listening to music or talking to you when she feels overwhelmed. Look out for any signs of anxiety or depression that may require professional support. Do not dismiss intense feelings as “just hormones”.
Discussing puberty with sensitivity and care for your preteen girl’s needs can set the foundation for a healthy transition into womanhood, both physically and emotionally. Maintain an open dialogue as she navigates this important milestone.
MindOwl Founder – My own struggles in life have led me to this path of understanding the human condition. I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in philosophy before completing a master’s degree in psychology at Regent’s University London. I then completed a postgraduate diploma in philosophical counselling before being trained in ACT (Acceptance and commitment therapy).
I’ve spent the last eight years studying the encounter of meditative practices with modern psychology.